Is stress killing your sex drive? Experts reveal how your diet can help

So, what actually is low libido?

Libido refers to a person’s overall sex drive, and can greatly fluctuate depending on a variety of factors, including age, health and general lifestyle. While there’s no right or wrong answer when it comes to a person’s sexual desire or how often they have sex, low libido can be characterised by a consistent lack of interest in sex, which can lead to feelings of guilt, frustration and embarrassment.

According to the NHS, causes of low sex drive and loss of libido can be due to a number of things, from relationship and sexual problems such as erectile dysfunction and vaginal dryness, to hormonal changes and certain medications (including high blood pressure tablets and antidepressants).

One of the most common causes of loss in libido is stress.

How does stress affect your sex drive?

Stress is one of the most significant factors contributing to a decrease in libido. When your body is under an immense amount of stress, it triggers a series of psychological changes in an attempt to cope with “threats,” commonly known as your “fight or flight” response.

This response releases hormones like cortisol and adrenaline, which in turn can have a profound impact on sexual desire. Cortisol is essential for managing short-term stress, but prolonged and elevated levels of it (that come with chronic stress), can suppress the production of sex hormones like testosterone and oestrogen, both of which are critical for maintaining a healthy sex drive.

When we’re stressed, our glandular system (which plays a crucial role in regulating libido, as it produces and secretes hormones) can also be affected, according to sex coach Melissa Maya.

“When our hormones are imbalanced, this impacts the most subtle part of our body – the glandular system,” she explains. “Our erotic impulses and fantasies come not only from the imagination, but also a regulated nervous system, and particularly a replenished glandular system."

Stress can also take a huge toll on your mental health, which can lead to anxiety and depression – two psychological states that are closely linked to low libido. If you find yourself worrying about work, finances or personal issues, this leaves little room to relax, let alone experience sexual desire.

How can you get your libido back?

There’s no hard or fast rule for increasing your sex drive, but making simple changes to your lifestyle and how you manage stress and emotions can all make a difference.

Manage your stress

It sounds simple, but since stress is such a major contributor to low libido, it makes sense to find effective ways to manage it. Managing stress can be easy, and making small changes in your physical activity can help.

“I've worked with a lot of clients who mention low libido to me, especially as they enter menopause, and I always recommend keeping up regular physical activity, as well as practicing stress-reducing techniques like mindfulness, meditation and breathing techniques,” says Beth Johnson, coach and founder of Lift Club. “All of these can help lower that annoying cortisol level, improve mood and increase energy, all of which can enhance libido.”

Read our guide to how to increase serotonin, which can help reduce feelings of stress.

Make time for intimacy

Scheduling sex sounds like the least romantic thing you can do, but sometimes this is a great way to actually make time for the other person in your relationship instead of just putting it off and it never happening.

“When we are feeling stressed, overwhelmed or burnt out, it’s easy for our own needs to fall off the agenda. And, this can mean that we lose focus on our core needs for affection and intimacy with our partner,” explains counsellor Georgina Sturmer. “Paradoxically, it’s at these times of stress that we might benefit the most from our partner’s touch, engagement and affection. This is why it can be so important to make time for intimacy, whether that means adding it to our own priority list or even being proactive about scheduling it into our time together.”

Look at your diet

While the food you eat doesn’t have a direct impact on your libido, your diet can influence your hormone levels, energy and overall health, all of which are critical in maintaining a healthy sex drive.

For example, zinc-rich foods like oysters, red meat, beans and nuts are all essential for testosterone production, while food rich in nitrates like beetroot and leafy greens can help boost nitric oxide levels in the body, which improves blood flow. And, better blood circulation can enhance sexual arousal by ensuring adequate blood flow to the sexual organs.

One food to consider introducing into your diet is flaxseeds, as they support hormone production, says registered nutritionist Michaella Mazzoni.

“Flaxseeds are part of a family called phytoestrogens – basically plant oestrogen – so they can interact with oestrogen receptors in our bodies,” explains Mazzoni. “Flaxseeds are particularly good because they’re helpful in a modulating way, so they’re good when people are a bit low in oestrogen, or when they’re a bit high. However, I recommend buying whole flaxseeds as opposed to ground – freshly grind them at home into things like smoothies. Please do check with your GP before introducing this, though, especially if you have a history of things like hormone-dependent cancers, as it’s not suitable.”

Other foods Mazzoni recommends include miso or soy products like tofu (try our recipes here).

Peanut and butter date balls, coconut and apricot bites and pistachio and goji berry bites

Communicate

Communicating with a partner about low libido or sex drive can feel embarrassing, but it is important to talk about your needs when it comes to intimacy.

“For some of us, this comes naturally. For others, this might feel like an awkward or uncomfortable topic,” says Sturmer. “But, when we open the lines of communication and share what we need, it’s likely to make us feel more connected both physically and emotionally with our partner.”

Sturmer also stresses the importance of dealing with domestic bugbears too, as when we are feeling stressed, chores like cleaning, paying the bills and so on can add weight to it.

“Any stress or conflict can mean that we feel less likely to want to be intimate – particularly if our domesticity leads us into a ‘parent-child’ type relationship, rather than an ‘adult-adult’ relationship. So, when we work to resolve any domestic bugbears in a calm, practical, adult way, it can lead us to feel more comfortable and confident in our intimacy,” she adds.

Reconnect emotionally

Stress can cause emotional distancing, which certainly puts a dampener on any sexual desire. Attempting to reconnect emotionally is as important as the physical elements.

“Physical closeness is really important – things like cuddling and kissing all work at rebuilding intimacy,” says relationship psychologist Mairéad Molloy. “Regular date nights outside the bedroom are also important. This is likely to create closeness – have fun with each other, talk, laugh and flirt!”

Seek professional guidance

If you feel that things aren’t improving, it might be beneficial to seek professional help, whether that’s one-to-one help or even couple’s counselling.

“Seeking professional guidance isn’t shameful, and if you need a helping hand, this can be hugely beneficial in helping manage stress and improve your overall sexual health,” suggests Molloy. “Whether it’s therapy to deal with your stress or even couple’s counselling to work directly in resolving your low sex drive.”

If you’re a woman going through menopause, it may also be an option to discuss hormone replacement therapy (HRT) with your GP if you need it, as this can enhance sexual desire in some.

It’s important to speak openly if you’re concerned about stress, your mental health, low libido or changes in your libido. See your GP if you’re worried about any of these things, you’re taking medicine or hormonal contraception and you think it might be affecting your sex drive, or your sex drive doesn’t return to normal after pregnancy. Going through ebbs and flows of a low sex drive is normal, but when something manageable like stress takes over, it can be tricky to fathom overcoming it. Fortunately, simple tips and tricks to reduce stress and reconnect with yourself and your partner can get you well on the way to reversing low libido troubles.